Hoardlings

Origins and Appearance

 Hoardlings are a lot like goblins. In fact, many scholars hypothesize that many hoardlings were goblins at one point in the past before their transformation, though others believe hoardlings to be a more general karmic punishment for chronic thievery. Some of them are reputed to have stolen from the hoards of dragons, others made the mistake of drawing an archfey's ire by rifling through the cutlery drawer, and some made a bargain with the hells that they never meant to pay their dues on. Regardless of their exact crime, hoardlings take on a diminutive, hunched stature riddled with aspects of those who they stole from. One who stole from a dragon might grow scales and horns, while another cursed by an archfey might grow a tail, floppy ears, and a short coat of fur.

Behavior and Personality

    Hoardlings are most commonly found in places they have absolutely no right to be in, having set up shop with a bunch of weird items scrounged from their surroundings, in addition to a few general items that they've picked up during their travels -- usually off the corpses of the last adventuring party that came through.

    Hoardlings seem to be immortal, displaying very few signs of age, and many take this a step further with the ability to resurrect themselves a few days after being slain; though they're likely to hold a grudge against anyone who does so. This supernatural durability has led many more superstitious folk to label them as some kind of foul demon or undead, but it's rather rude to espouse such beliefs in the presence of a hoardling. In reality, this durability is simply a function of if a hoardling has profited over its current lifetime, though very few hoardlings are aware of this fact until after their first death. If a hoardling has made a profit since the last time it died, it will return to life 1d4 days later within a mile of where it died.

    Typical hoardlings are slightly mad, you have to be in order to set up a storefront in the locations they usually do, and often have quite a few quirks. Some might be jumpy and paranoid, others might be fast-talking snake-oil salesmen, still others might be doting oddballs who view their wares like children. Regardless of the rest of their disposition, hoardlings are invariably shrewd businessfolk. They know a good deal when they see one, and will never accept a trade that won't be a net benefit to themselves in the long run. That's not to say that they won't haggle -- hoardlings absolutely love haggling and are incredible at it -- just that they won't let themselves be talked down to a lower price unless they think it'll make for the start of a long and prosperous series of transactions.

    Hoardlings have an incredible sense of smell, which they use to help sense the desires of creatures they interact with. By smelling a creature, they can read its surface thoughts as per the Detect Thoughts spell, and they have advantage on all Wisdom (Insight) checks they make. (It would be totally reasonable to rule that a character doused in perfume or some other strong scent not usually found in a dungeon would fuck with a hoardling's sense of smell, thereby disrupting these benefits.)

    Part of the reason for hoardling's uncanny ability to be found in places they have no right to be is down to a quirk of their magical nature. When a hoardling goes to sleep for a night, it tends to either wake up in a quiet chamber that it had previously considered exploring for new wares, or somewhere that it's promised someone to be. For example, a hoardling that promised a group of adventurers to meet them at their camp will almost certainly turn up sooner or later, though it likely won't stick around out in sunny areas too long, all of that light hurts their eyes.

    If a hoardling takes a particular liking to a group of adventurers (perhaps they did it a rather large favor, or have just been loyal customers for a long period of time) it might decide to accompany their travels on a more regular basis. This might begin with the hoardling simply wandering in and setting up shop when the party makes camp for the night, or with it appearing in almost every dungeon the party wanders into. In such a case, the hoardling shows up whenever the party could use a lifeline or whenever it wants to try selling new wares to the party, typically at a substantial discount compared to its normal prices.

Bartering and Oddities

    Hoardlings carry their various wares in a massive, bulging sack that they lug about on their backs. Usually this sack is at least the size of the hoardling itself, and often its contents clearly do not have any way to fit sensibly into its volume. While in the hands of the hoardling that made it, this sack functions as a bag of holding; though its maximum carrying capacity and volume might be substantially higher than normal. A hoardling might be persuaded to teach the party the secrets of using the sack properly so they might enjoy the same benefits, though the price is likely to be rather exorbitant, as it takes a great deal of time and effort for hoardlings to craft the sacks.

    For mundane items like basic adventuring gear, weapons, and armor, hoardlings are happy to accept payment in traditional coinage and gems, though often at a premium given their location within dungeons and other environments inhospitable to most merchants. Typically, they'll be happy to offer a bit of insight as to their surrounding environs at no cost as a way to encourage customer loyalty. This might mean they kindly point out what flavor of horrific traps are down the hallway to the right, that they mention in an offhand way how the dragon in the nearby mountains really enjoys roasted goat, or some other small tidbit.

    For more exotic items within their stocks, they much more often deal in favors and bartering; a hoardling might accept a story of adventures past in payment for a potion of liquid courage, or might ask the party to deal with a pesky hag a few floors down that's been interfering with business in exchange for some enchanted armor polish.

    Typically, a hoardling has access to 3d10 items of basic adventuring gear, weapon, or armor, all of which can be bought for between 1.5 and 2x their usual price. These items are very likely to be things your party would find incredibly useful in the next day or two. This gear usually isn't in pristine quality, but the worst dents and bloodstains have been lovingly polished out and repaired, and oftentimes hoardlings will add a personal touch to each of their wares; be that by attaching a small scarf of red cloth to all the armor they sell, by painting a smiling face on the side of every potion bottle they have, or some other similar gesture. Hoardlings will often also be able to repair damaged equipment for a small fee, typically for nothing more than the story of how the damage happened.

    In addition to their mundane wares, a hoardling also has 1d6 unique items in stock at any given time. At least one of these items should always be something that directly addresses something the party has been looking for for a while, or something that would generally be useful in dealing with upcoming challenges. Typically, I recommend that these items be consumable because then they can be both weirder and more powerful, but there's nothing wrong with having a few permanent items for sale. Below are a few examples of odd items that a hoardling might have available for purchase.

1. A Bottle of Liquid Courage. Distilled from the dying breath of a rather foolhardy knight and reconstituted in enough grain liquor to get an ogre drunk, this heart-shaped bottle of liquor stirs something in the hearts of those who smell it. For 1d4 hours after drinking the entire bottle, you have advantage on saving throws against being frightened. Additionally, your Intelligence score decreases by 5, and your Charisma score increases by 3 for the duration.

2. A Bag of Loyal Bones. This small satchel weighs 5 pounds, and is filled with a coarse, off-white powder. When at least one pound of the dust is mixed with a few drops of blood, it rapidly grows and morphs into a fleshlike substance in the shape of a Small or Tiny Beast of your choice. The creature obeys your verbal commands (no action required) and otherwise behaves as a loyal, well-trained version of the creature you chose for 8 hours or until it is reduced to 0 hit points. If you instead use at least three pounds of the dust, you can create a Medium or smaller Beast, and if you use at least five pounds of the dust, the Beast you create can be Large or smaller.

3. Pouch of the Moneychanger. This small belt-pouch is intricately stitched with images of various coinage. It can hold any number of coins of any denomination, but only ever weighs one pound. Whenever you make a purchase, you can choose to pay with money in the pouch, and it will provide the exact payment from the coins within it, converting between currency types and denominations as needed.

4. 1d3 Crystalline Weapons. This weapon functions as a normal weapon of its type, though it is crafted entirely from a lightly iridescent and partially opaque crystal. When you score a critical hit with this weapon, the weapon damage dice deal their maximum value, rather than rolling, and the weapon shatters into razor-sharp shards in the space of the target that act as caltrops.

5. 1d4 Canisters of Polish of Imperceptibility. This small canister has a cleaning cloth tucked under its lid and is filled with enough coarse grey polish to cover a Medium creature or object, two Small creatures or objects, or four Tiny creatures or objects. Anything covered in this polish becomes invisible for 1d4 hours or until the polish is washed off, at which point it returns to visibility in a perfectly cleanly state.

6. 1d2 Instant Pits. This square patch of black fabric feels silky and is embroidered with intricate runes in purple thread around the border. When a creature uses an action to place it on a surface, the runes ignite with purple flame and consume the square, causing up to a 10-foot cube of the surface to instantly fold inwards to create a pit. This might cause structures to collapse, at the DM's discretion.

7. 1d6 Fire Rats. This tiny, watertight pouch is filled with a highly volatile mix of alchemist's fire, scrap metal, and gunpowder, and it has legs and a tail embroidered along its sides. When you use an action to whisper its command word and point at a point you can see within 60 feet of you, the pouch sprouts its legs and tail and scurries as close to the chosen location as it can get before erupting into a blast of fire and shrapnel in a 10-foot-radius sphere. Each target in that area must make a DC 13 Dexterity saving throw. A creature takes 3d6 fire damage plus 3d6 piercing damage on a failed saving throw, or half as much on a success. Flammable objects that aren't being worn or carried in the area are ignited with flames that water can't extinguish.

8. Miasmic Skull. This wand consists of a humanoid skull driven onto a forked branch bound with dried poison ivy. The wand has 2d4 charges when purchased, which you can determine by inspecting the brightness of the emeralds placed in its eye sockets. While holding it, you can use an action to cause the skull to exhale a cloud of noxious gas in a 30-foot cone. Each creature in that area must make a DC 15 Constitution saving throw. A target takes 3d12 poison damage on a failed save, or half as much damage on a successful one. After a failed save, a target is poisoned for 1 minute. During that time, it takes 1d12 poison damage at the start of each of its turns. A target can repeat the Constitution saving throw at the end of each of its turns, ending the effect on itself on a success. Additionally, you can wield the wand as a magic mace. The wand deals an additional 1d4 poison damage on a hit.

9. Medium's Tongue. This preserved tongue is bound about its base with strips of parchment and tattooed with arcane glyphs. When placed in a corpse's mouth, it allows you to ask one question as per the Speak with Dead spell. Once you use the tongue in this way, the tongue must remain in the mouth of a living creature for 24 hours to regain its magic. A creature is unable to drink, eat, or speak while holding the tongue in its mouth in this way.

10. Dried Finger. This mummified finger belonging to an unknown entity typically has 2d4 knuckles and ends in a hard, blackened claw. By tapping the finger on a locked object or a surface, you can break off one or more segments of the finger at a knuckle to cast Knock (1 knuckle) or Passwall (5 knuckles) from it, respectively.

Combat, Tactics, and Stats

    Hoardlings try to avoid combat at all costs, as it often ends up costing them whatever stuff they're carrying. As a result, they will always attempt to flee, then to bargain for their life with a portion of what they're carrying, and only fighting if truly cornered.

    If forced to fight, hoardlings will again prefer escape, but will use their claws to attack when pinned down. They usually don't have the tactical know-how to Disengage properly from an enemy combatant, and as such prefer the Dodge and Dash actions as their escape tools for retreating towards advantageous positions (small tunnels, under tables and other objects, etc.) where their pursuers can't easily reach them. Often, they will attempt to flee into any nearby trapped areas or areas with wandering monsters that can distract their would-be killers. If a hoardling doesn't know if it can reincorporate, it will produce items from its sack for use in its own defense, such as fire rats, a dried finger, crystalline weapons, or instant pits. If it knows it will return from death, a hoardling will often simply trust that they can return and steal the sack away from their murderers before they manage to get anything out of it, though some might choose to be particularly spiteful if they suspect their murderers will manage to force the sack to divulge its contents.

    A typical turn for a hoardling consists of taking the Dash action if no enemy is adjacent to them, retreating to some form of cover, followed by the Hide action as a bonus action using their Cut and Run trait. If an enemy is adjacent to the hoardling, it will instead make an attack with either its claws (if it knows it will return from death) or use an item from its sack (if it's not sure if it will return from death) and then take the Dash or Hide action as a bonus action to try and slip away. If it chooses to use an item from its sack, the hoardling will prefer to use items such as ball bearings, flour, and nets which make it more difficult for a pursuer to follow it, and will not use a fire rat on fewer than two creatures unless it might collapse a tunnel or similarly aid its escape.

Loot

    A hoardling if defeated usually has 3d20 GP in a mix of tiny gemstones and odd coinage on its person. Its sack weighs 20 pounds and contains whatever its wares would have been, however these items are inaccessible unless the party had learned the secrets of opening the sack from the hoardling prior to its demise (or can figure it out afterwards).